Wrong ways to cope with pain

Pain happens to all, but different people respond differently. In adult years many have been wounded or betrayed with their close friends and even relatives. Mostly people we love are the ones who hurt most. These sense of betrayal triggers negative feelings within ourselves. These feelings if not dealt with carefully might lead to desperate means to get out of the pain. This desperate means could lead to more serious problems than solving the initial one, which could lead to depression. Human beings cannot fully eliminate all negative feelings and still maintain positive ones. As people try to block negative feelings they also block positive ones as well. That’s why most people who have grown up in those circumstances are unable to remember anything good about growing up. Here are some of the ways people practice in their quest to cope with pain and end up more desperate than before.
1) Refusing to feel the pain. Many who have been wounded or betrayed before, decide suppress all emotions and refuse to feel anything about it. As children it simply hurts too much to feel a rejection, neglect, abuse or shame. Once grown up they condition themselves not t allow these emotions to hurt them and so they refuse to feel pain.
2) Alternative sensation to pain. Some people find an alternative feeling that’s greater than overwhelming sensation of pain. An outside stimulus to outweigh the hurt within, e. g. they resort to drugs, eating, alcoholism, sex, work holism (over commitment to work).these becomes their exit options. Still other also resort to violence against their spouse and children.
3) Passivity. The passive acknowledges the hurt but do nothing about it. they know they should face the offender but they would rather keep the peace. These type of people would rather be liked. They want to keep the peace with everybody.
4) Denial. These type of people never want to acknowledge that they have been hurt by someone close to them. They thrive on justification. They even rather blame themselves, rather than people who hurt them. They play the ostrich by burying their heads in the sand and assume the problem is gone! This doesn’t change the reality, it only delay facing it.
Now the only way to cope with the hurt is to face it. Even if you did all these that we have discussed above, there is no change or solution arrived at. Rather they create more problems.
Terry Kellogg once said “Pain from our past that is unresolved is pain we are condemned to repeat.”
Bad thing also happens to good people. In this life even the innocent get punished. In all this that’s not the end of the road. The good news is you can still grow through pain and live even better than before.
1) Learn to forgive. Though massively unfair, it is the only way to emotional health. Is not a dirty word to forgive that’s where the road to freedom starts.
2) Reconcile. May not apply to all situations though. But it can be necessary to rebuild a relationship while still you can. You can still work towards reconciliation.
You can confront these realities and come out better, rather than die in depression. It takes courage but it is the right thing to do. Cowards die many deaths before the real one comes, but the courageous live on and better. Make a wise choice when dealing with pain.

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